TIFF, Dad Bods, and Class
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. After proofreading my column last week, my girlfriend, Kate, who is the nicest, straightest, most sincerely kind, generous, and compassionate human being I have ever known, says, “Uuuuuhm, I think maybe I should get one weekly veto. There are always TWO I don’t like but ONE of them is always worse.”
2. A couple years ago I was offered a part on The Motherfucker With the Hat in Calgary but couldn’t do it. When I heard Beau Dixon was doing it, I sent him a note to say I was sorry we couldn’t work together. But it turned out that he was playing the part I had been offered and, through me, found out that I had been first choice. Which sucks. It’s a shitty thing to do to another actor, intentionally or not. I felt like a real asshole and he was super gracious. Then, a couple weeks ago, I wrote in this column about replacing Ennis Esmer in The Summoned and didn’t mention at all that between Ennis dropping out and me being asked to step in, Beau had been offered the part and couldn’t do it. I had sent him a note to say “We are even now,” as I was replacing him this time, and even asked him what his approach had been as Fab had told me he had just nailed it and they loved him. And he shared the key to the psychology of Quentin that had been his in. But again, no mention of that in my column. And again, I felt like an asshole.
The thing is, I feel bad for Beau because he is working so much that he can’t possibly do all the shows that are offered to him. AND he’s about a foot taller than me. AND he is distractingly good-looking. AND he is a musical genius who can compose music and sing and play multiple instruments. AND he keeps getting nominated for and winning all these Dora’s…
You know what? Actually, fuck Beau Dixon. He’s doin fine. Forget I brought it up.
3. I have the same understanding with the Toronto International Film Festival that I do with the raccoons in high park, the wait staff at Annapurna, and Albert Schultz: we each know the other is there but neither one of us is likely to do anything about it for a long fucking time.
4. When I make jerk chicken, I just roast a chicken the regular way but I put a little Montreal Canadiens jersey on it first.
5. I saw The Nice Guys on pay-per-view. Turns out I don’t have a “dad” bod at all. I have a “former Gladiator” bod. Suck on that, DiCaprio.
6. This is as close as I will ever get to being Paul Newman.
7. I have 693 followers on Twitter after one week. That’s approximately 692 more than the number of people who give a shit about what I say in real life.
8. Took a shuttle to set in Hamilton with about seven other people the other day and all of us just looked at our phones or listened to music for the entire ride. It was kinda nice, actually. No forced small talk. No having to navigate uneducated awkward conversation on current events. No having to pretend two people aren’t speed dating right in front of you when it’s real clear it isn’t going anywhere. No whipping out your resumes to measure them against each other. No “who’s your agent?” bullshit. Just chilling and having a relaxing, somewhat solitary drive together. Beats the shit out of the old days when you had to pretend you were asleep the whole ride.
9. Rompin Ronnie Hawkins turned 80 this week. I did a film called Boozecan with him when I was about twenty-six or so. Such a beautiful spirit and energy to be around. Walking into the Silver Dollar with him is like walking into the Vatican with the Pope. I’ll never forget the line he used to often use to make women laugh: “Darlin, I’ll make love to you so many different ways, you’re bound to like one of ’em.” Happy 80th to a legend.
10. If the only thing funny about your special on Netflix if that it is listed as a comedy, you just might be Jeff Foxworthy. #cureforinsomnia #lessfunnythenafifthgrader
11. I did a film with James Caan called Wisegal a few years back. It was a mob film and we shot in Little Italy. You can imagine how folks in the neighbourhood reacted when word got out that Sonny from The Godfather was down the road. He was constantly asked for autographs and photos. Sometimes during dinner in a restaurant. Sometimes moments before the cameras were to roll. He never refused anyone, no matter when or where, their moment with him. At one point Jerry Ciccoritti, the director, asked him if it ever bothered him. He replied, not at all, and told him that those are the people who have paid for his life and his lifestyle and everything he has, he owes it to them, so why not take that moment to thank them for it. That’s true perspective and class and gratitude and a good lesson for anyone who ever does make it in the bigs.
(L to R) Tony Nappo, Alvaro D’Antonio, Michael Miranda, James Caan
12. And lastly, I just want to wish all the Jewish first-year university students a happy Frosh Hashanah.
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
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Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
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At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
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If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
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If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
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In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
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