Rational Thought, “Cool Dad” Points, and the Meaning of FTW
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. Last week a friend posted this fake Trump tweet on my wall. And another friend posted a similar one about Fugget About It. And then I posted one where Trump called Pam Anderson a better actor than Streep. By now, you all know there is a fake Trump-tweet generator, but on the day, it was astounding how many people took these to be actual tweets and took the opportunity to passionately reject them. But what the fuck? What ever happened to rational thought? Why the fuck would Trump be talking about me? What happened to researching and processing something before responding to it? And my friends are fucking smart!!!
Everything online these days seems to have become about a reflexive dismissal and insult without even considering the validity of anything anymore. As if our responses even mattered, anyway. It’s just empty fucking noise. And repetitive empty noise, at that. We have become fond of the sound of our own retorts and shitting on the other side. But are we really saying anything, and to who? And why? To what end?
I’m just thinking out loud here but… All those stupid fuckers who voted for this dick based on fake shit they read and believed because they wanted to believe it… It’s only our politics and not our behaviour that is presently separating us from them.
2. This one was real, though. Never heard back from him.
3. One of the biggest benefits of seeing a play at the Tarragon and still being under sixty-five years old is that you can be the hundredth guy out of the theatre at intermission and still be the second guy to make it to the men’s room.
4. It took Death to do the impossible: make the lyrics to Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go seem poignant.
5. I lost a thousand “cool dad” points on Friday when I was driving Ella and her friend home from school, radio blasting, and Ella asked, “Is this The Weeknd?” And I answered, “Well, no, not technically. It’s Friday.” They both laughed right out loud at me. At the risk of sounding old and bitter, what kind of name for a singer is The Weeknd!!???????? It’s not even a band!!! Just one fucking guy!!!!!!!
6. If Hamlet had been Italian, that play would only have been two scenes long.
7. Butcher is being remounted this year by the Mirvishes and, honestly, I wasn’t planning to do it. For a few reasons. I had made a conscious decision to just focus on film work this year and getting my financial house in order. Michelle Monteith is not returning due to a professional commitment. My daughter Ella has grown up too much to play the role she played. The new theatre space is a tricky one and I don’t feel it lends itself to the show the way the Theatre Centre space did. I had already done it and it couldn’t have gone better—both the production and I got nominated for a bunch of awards. I just felt there was nothing more to be gained. Why do a show again that had a near-perfect run when I considered all those factors?
And then I thought deeper on it and realized that that was all just bullshit. This show would not and could not be that show. In the same way that Tuesday night’s show cannot be Wednesday’s show. Theatre is a living, breathing thing that cannot ever be repeated. Only an amateur or a hack would even attempt to do that. An entirely new production is an entirely new production. Nobody is going to show up expecting the same show. Most people who came out the first time won’t even come this time. Those who do come may have higher-than-average expectations, but that’s about it.
Comparing it to the last run, before it even begins, is ridiculous. And worse than that, it’s cowardice. My problem was that I was looking at every factor but myself. At the end of the day, I realized that I am simply afraid that I won’t be able to do what I did the last time as well as I did it then. It was one of the milestones in my theatre career and the truth is that I am afraid I will fuck it up. That I will fail. That I will let down both the team and the audience.
But it actually isn’t possible to do what I did the last time. I’m not the same person. The people I will be working with won’t be the same people, both literally and metaphorically, in different cases. The world isn’t the same world that it was a year ago. A play only exists in the moment it is happening. That last production of Butcher and this one are not and will not be the same play. They can’t be. It is metaphysically impossible. And what the fuck am I so afraid of? I know the show will be great. It’s a great team with a couple of great additions tackling a great script in a new space. That’s the challenge. Not to repeat anything that has happened before, but to execute it the way that it will be now to the best of our abilities—to be simple and truthful in THIS moment. And my job is to just do my fucking job and forget the last production altogether. To ball the fuck up and be the actor that I believe myself to be, rather than hide in the fucking wings, reading old reviews, convincing myself that I don’t need to go out on stage to prove anything to anyone. But, of course, now that I have articulated all of these thoughts, I do. I have to prove it to myself.
Butcher. Photo by Dahlia Katz
8. I was hoping the Trump pee thing was real just so that Rob Ford would get reinstated as Most Successful Douchebag Politician Ever. GO CANADA!!!!
9. Watched Purple Rain with my daughter Ella and she admitted when it was over that Prince actually was “pretty cool.” Now, if I can just keep her away from jail and being a Habs fan, my job as a father is pretty much done.
10. Gavin Crawford recently had to explain to me that FTW actually stands for “for the win.” Up until then, I had thought it stood for “fuck that wop.”
11. Most Awkward Recent Parental Exchange of 2017 (it helps a lot of you read it out loud):
Mom (screaming)- God damn it, Tony, will you give me a sec?!?!?!
Me (pacifying)- Okay. Okay. Take all the secs you want, ma.
*uncomfortable silence*
Mom- That is not what you meant to say, was it?
Me- Not even fucking close.
12. To my knowledge, Jason Blicker is the only actor who could kick the shit out of me without breaking a sweat. The guy is a ninja. A wonderful actor, as well. I like bumping into Jason before an audition because his focus is unparalleled. I find him fascinating. No small talk. No chitchat about the audition (we are often up for the same parts). He is completely and totally in the zone. The part is his and he is going to go in and claim it every time.
Me, I’m the opposite. I just shoot the shit with anyone who wants to and try to stay relaxed, catch up with friends, maybe glance at the lines to keep them in my head if the wait is long, review the cues… but I try to actually think of the audition itself as little as I possibly can. Everyone preps differently and we all share a small space before we actually step into “the room.” And because you are stuck in a small space with all of your competition, there are those who try to fuck with the other actors before they go in to get them off their game. There are many ways to do this, but I’ll name none of them. It’s just a professional courtesy not to—it is not an unwritten rule and it does happen, but it’s a sad and transparent thing to watch happen. I always figure if I’m gonna get the part, I’ll get it. If not, I just hope it goes to someone I respect. And, believe me, the people who do try to fuck with other actors before auditions have the respect of no one.
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
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