Viral Videos, ACTRA Awards, and Workshops
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. So it’s March. In like a liar…
2. Kellie Leitch claims her video went viral because so many Canadians agree with her immigration policies. The same way Pamela Anderson’s vacation tapes went viral because people wanted to support her animal rights activism.
3. I wasn’t the best guy I could have been last week but plan to be extra amazing this week. I guess I was just feeling a little pre-menschstrual.**
**This is Anand Rajaram’s birthday present.
4. One of the things I admire about Nug Nahrgang is that he’s a tough read. I almost never know what he might be thinking about me.
5. Sending a kid to an English stream in a French immersion school is like sending them to the Forum in a Leafs jersey. If I have pay to send her to Kumon to learn how to do basic fucking math properly, then what exactly are you teaching her?
6. The time Peter Keleghan was arrested and booked on suspicion of being the Glad Man Bandit. Turned out he had actually just “accidentally taken” the jacket from the actual bandit in a Beaches pub.
7. Captain’s Log. Monday, March 6th. 1:55 pm. I have the first rectal exam of my life in ten minutes so I scrubbed and polished the area to present well but now I have to poo. I fear this will not end well.
8. I had only one goal going into the ACTRA Awards last week, which was to get a photo of Ella with Eric Osborne, who was nominated for Best Male Performance for his work on Degrassi: Next Class. We literally walked in and snapped this within the first minute. All I had to do after that was say “fuck” and chew gum obnoxiously on stage and then go home. It’s all about setting achievable goals.
9. Top Five U2 Albums Named by a Six-Year-Old:
5- The Joshua Pee
4- The Unforgettable Fart
3- Pooropa
2- Rattle and Bum
1- All That You Can’t Wipe Behind
10. I spent four days this week with a wonderful company of actors and creators, including Judith Thompson and Nancy Palk, Theatre Fucking Royalty. They both hold a special place in my heart because the first professional show I ever saw in Toronto was I Am Yours, which Judith wrote and Nancy was in.
This week, we were together for a workshop. I love workshops; the exploring and playing. I love helping develop a new play. I love rehearsing. I love it all so much more than performing. Performing, I can take or leave.
The subject matter of the piece was bullying and sexual assault and online harassment, really powerful stuff, and it affected me and everyone else in the room. There was a personal investment and desire made by everyone to do the material justice.
Throughout the day, we read through parts, and Judith would listen and then take some time to punch away at her laptop keys, and five minutes later she would read out what she had just written. There was one monologue that she felt hadn’t been working, and she had finessed it. What she read out to us, and how she read it, was just note-fucking-perfect. And it took me out of the workshop for a moment and I thought: “Here we are sitting in a portable outside of a museum in Peterborough and this woman who has written so many seminal Canadian works that people have performed monologues from for the last thirty-some-odd years just wrote another one that people will be performing for thirty more. Right here in front of us. I just witnessed a little piece of theatre history firsthand while scarfing down some gummy bears and a Grape Crush.”
And it occurred to me, despite whatever trainwreck is happening in my life at any given moment, just how fucking lucky I am to do what it is I am doing. To be given access and to be allowed to participate in the birthing of a theatrical baby. One that I will be able to watch grow up over the years and find its place in the world. And sometimes that’s all I need to remember to actually want to keep doing it.
11.
12. My daughter Ella came over last night and I made a pork roast and mashed potatoes and corn and had chocolate cake for dessert and had Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates all cued up. She was very appreciative of it all and I said, “Who’s your guy?” fully expecting that she would say me, but she said, “Well, I like them both but Zac Efron is more my guy than the other guy.”
Whatever.
I’ve seen better movies.
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
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Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
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Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
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