Mother’s Day Memories, Expectations, and Canadian Idle

Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.

1. Mother’s Day Memories:

When I was growing up, Italians never said things like, “My dad could kill your dad in a fight,” just in case he did and that statement might later be called into evidence. But we did say stuff like, “My mom’s sauce could kick your mom’s sauce’s ass!” Because, even though there should be, there aren’t any laws against making a shitty sauce.

2. Asking America to “move on from the Russian investigation” is like telling the Come From Away crowd to stop talking about all the Tony Awards they won. You can’t move on from a thing that hasn’t finished happening yet.

3. Worked with a great guy, Corey Jackson, last week. At the end of the day, I went over to say goodbye, nice to meet you, all that shit. And he said, “I’ll see you again, man. I’m gonna be black on Friday. And you’ll be white beside me.” Cracked me the fuck up.

4. I had a callback last week for a great project that I would love to do. It could not have gone better. I went in prepared. Didn’t say anything too stupid. Executed all the scenes well. Improvised a little. Took direction and implemented it well. Lots of laughter. Lots of love. Big smiles and high fives all around. I was even supposed to read for a second character and they told me not to bother because, it seemed, I had so completely nailed it that there was no need to read for a backup part if the bigger role didn’t work out.

I wrote this entry the night of the audition:

When I was a younger actor, I would not actually be able to fully relax or sleep well or focus on anything completely until that phone call came in from my agent telling me I had been booked. It would be at the forefront of my mind every waking moment of every day. It was what made sense. If you killed the audition, you got the part.

At my age now, having gone through twenty-five years of heartache and disappointment (and keeping in mind I am reading for much bigger and better parts than I read for when I was young), I know a little better how things work.

I did allow myself to feel really good as I walked out of the building, for maybe an hour or so. Then I began dreading the call from my agent where I would be informed of the reason I didn’t get it. This is just one of the many rewards of a long and relatively successful film career in Canada: lowered expectations.

5. Adam Paolozza stars in Lifetime Network’s Fooling No One, in which he plays a father who goes undercover as a student at the local high school to investigate the disappearance of his son who actually hasn’t disappeared at all. He is just really, really embarrassed of his dad and avoiding him.

6. I keep suddenly falling asleep on dead bodies lately. I think I may have necrolepsy.

7. Most Honest Moment of the Week, with Kathy the Wardrobe Lady:

Me (as she was rubbing some shit off my shirt for the third time)- You’re never happy are you?

Kathy- It’s my job to make sure you’re clean.

Me- Oh. Now, that’s a shit job.

8. Little known fact: Although they are not technically twins, Richard Zeppieri and Daniel Kash were called back seven times for the role of Michelle Tanner on Full House.

They are THAT fucking good.

9. Five Least Successful Jewish Hip Hop Artists of All Time

5- Shmuck D

4- Dr. Dradle

3- LL Kugel J

2- Shtup Doggy Dog

1- The Yeast Free Boys

10. Two actors in Auckland, New Zealand sustained serious injuries to the throat when a student production of Sweeney Todd decided to use actual razor blades in the show rather than fake ones. The students are fine but next semester’s production of Annie Get Your Gun has been postponed indefinitely.

11. West Virginia Supreme Court also ruled that having intercourse with a blood relative or family pet is “not the big deal everyone makes it out to be.”

12. If they ever made a show called Canadian Idle, Justin Trudeau would win the shit out of that show.

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Written By

Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.


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