A New App for Actors, Earth Day, and the Scotiabank Hockey Commercial
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. Big love and respect to the Leafs for a hell of a series against the Capitals. I haven’t enjoyed watching anything on TV that much since Anne got her puff sleeves.
2. I’ve developed an app for actors reading scripts that hides everything from their screens except for their own character’s lines, which will change the way that actors read scripts in absolutely no way at all.
3. Most of us have suspected it for years, but this week a blood test has confirmed once and for all that VideoCabaret mainstay Rick Campbell is indeed the illegitimate lovechild of Dr. Johnny Fever.
4. It was National Canadian Film Day last week. I haven’t seen Canadians in the street that pumped up since Corey Hart’s birthday.
5. If Italian people were lint, my belly button would be Woodbridge.
6. Dylan Roberts (to me as I was entering a toilet stall and he was exiting one before an audition last week)- “When did taking a dump become my audition prep?”
Me- “Somewhere around forty, I think.”
7.
8. If I was going to be outted as anything on a TV show, against my wishes, I would definitely want it to be on Survivor. I’m pretty sure only Sharron Matthews and, like, nine other people still even watch that fucking thing.
9. Imagine if someone beat you almost senseless, and while you were lying on the ground, struggling for air in an increasingly large pool of your own blood, they wished you happy birthday, while they continued to jump up and down on your head. That’s how the planet feels every Earth Day.
10. I’m gonna assume all the phone numbers have been removed because women are just calling him to say they actually know how to hang a fucking picture or assemble furniture on their own…
11. I say this from a true place of respect and love but if you ever have an audition for a show produced by Ilana Frank, it’s probably best to check whether or not Matt Gordon is either dead or cast in some other part before you get too attached to the idea of booking it. #notthefirsttime
12. Is it just me or is it kinda gross that the Scotiabank commercial where the kids re-enact those historic hockey goals features only young white males EXCEPT the one time a young white female re-enacts the Mario Lemieux goal, doing so by scoring on a black male goalie—the ONLY black player present in any of the reenactments? Why the fuck can’t a little black girl or boy be allowed to score a goal in a road hockey fantasy? And why couldn’t that one white female score on a white male goalie? It’s too thought out. It’s too blatant. It’s too hierarchal. Victory mostly goes to white males, a white female can have one token win, nothing but defeat for the black male, and no black female representation at all, in that order. And I think there was one Asian kid in there too who didn’t even appear to have a stick. To me, the spot only serves to draw attention to the completely acceptable casual sexism/racism inherent in the sport and, most disappointingly, in the sorrowfully low expectation of its fans to just accept it or not even notice it at all.
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Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
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Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
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