Wonder Woman, Covfefe Jokes,
and My Long-Lost Twin
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. When we assign significance to anything Kathy Griffin does or says, only Scott Baio wins.
2. I know it’s a delicate subject but I completely understand why a certain group of men were outraged at the idea of an all-female screening of Wonder Woman. There is probably no equivalent situation that I can think of to help women understand this but we men just don’t like to be told what we can and cannot do with our bodies.
3. You’d think some things you don’t actually need a doctor to tell you.
4. Painting in a house with an older Greek man last week. Older Greek men don’t make the “sh” sound when they speak. It was almost impossible to tell when he was going to Shoppers or to supper.
5. I don’t ever want to see another picture of Karla Homolka hanging around a schoolyard. Unless she is literally hanging. And there are no children within a hundred miles of the place.
6. I heart Billy MacLellan.
7. David Fraser wins the week, in my books, with the ridiculously obvious “Covfefe yourself.”
And I was depressed in bed for three days for not thinking of it first.
8. Best Dressing Room Pep Talk Ever:
Matt Edison to Cliff Saunders, during The Real World run: “Don’t worry about it, Cliff. Your B game is actually better than your A game.”
9.
10. Every play I have ever had to quit has been nominated for a Dora. So book me early and pray for the worst.
11. Top 5 Female Private-Part Pop Acts
5- Vagina Phillips
4- CerVix-A-Lot
3- U2ris
2- O Labia Newton John
1- Urethra Franklin
12. Just my luck. I find my long-lost twin and he’s missing.
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Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
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Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
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