Omar Khadr, Wonderland, and Generosity
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. I’m not so much angry about the $10 million Khadr is getting as I am sad about all those fucking giant ducks we won’t be getting as a result of that.
2. Talking to my mom about my sister’s birthday present:
Me- I’m just gonna transfer her some cash.
Mom- Oh, that’s no good. You know how she likes to open things.
Me- I know. So she can open her fucking phone and accept the transfer. It’s perfect.
3. And the turnout was bigger than any Pride Parade. EVER!!!
4. Here’s a discovery I made over my hiatus. If watching the movie The Bucket List isn’t actually on your personal bucket list, when the film is over, you feel DOUBLY like you just wasted your fucking time.
5. At Wonderland this weekend, my twelve-year-old daughter, Ella, and I rode the Leviathan—the one roller coaster that had been too intimidating for us to ride last year. As we ascended that eternal first climb upward, I leaned over to her and said, “Just in case I die of a heart attack before this is over, I think you should know I’m not your real father.”
She leaned right back and, without missing a beat, quite calmly and reassuringly confessed, “I know.”
I fucking love that kid.
6. Couldn’t agree more.
7. Soulpepper Theatre. According to Canadian folklore, next they take Berlin.
8. Famous First Draft Cuts from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran, #36
On losing weight: “Fuck that. I like my hummus too much to worry about that shit.”
9.
10. I couldn’t figure out what everyone had against this Jayden K Smith guy until I found out he was the guy who keeps renewing Schitt’s Creek.
11. Solid parenting.
12. An AD just pounded on the door to my trailer and I woke up thinking it was my driver pounding on my door at home and I had slept through my 5:15 am pick up.
When this happened last week, the thought occurred to me that this “problem” is not so much a good story as it is a really good example of why nobody gives a fuck when an actor with a job says pretty much anything except either a) their lines or b) “thank you”
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Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
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Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
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