Jagmeet Singh, Rob Ford’s Stadium, and
Film Set Tips for Addictive Personalities
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. What happened in Vegas can not and should not STAY in Vegas. For God’s sake, America, wake the fuck up.
2. Jagmeet Singh named Federal Leader of the NDP in a landslide. Thank you, crazy, shrieking, misinformed Islamophobic lady. It’s amazing what racism and hate can accomplish when you give rational Canadians the opportunity to kick the shit out of them.
3. Hey, Facebook: I need you to keep messing with your format like I need to hear the new material Duran Duran is working on. Just play “Rio” and “The Reflex” and then let’s all go the fuck home.
4. Guest Post of the Week. Brilliant.
5. I think it’s a great idea to name a stadium after Rob Ford. The Jays and the Raptors are more than likely to be able to live up to the legacy of Local Embarrassment Stadium.
6. I have a 30th high school reunion coming up next month-
Ella- Dad, can I come to your high school reunion?
Me- No. Did you go to my high school, thirty years ago?
Ella- I basically did. Cause I’m part of you.
Me- Really? Which part of me were you when I was in high school?
Ella- Uhm, like…your hand?
Me- YOU WERE MY HAND IN HIGH SCHOOL??!!
Ella- DAD!!!!! STOP!!!!!!
Me- We are definitely going to church tomorrow.
7. Puerto Rico, motherfucker.
8. Worst Question and Worst Answer at a Post-Screening Q&A ever:
Audience Member- Have any of you ever been offered a role in any other TV or Film projects?
Me- Dude, I’m fuckin fifty.
9. Film Set Tips for “Addictive Personalities” Working Out of Town
If you put your lunch in a takeout container and not a plate, you can finish your meal and then go back for a refill. You take that refilled takeout container back to your hotel when you are wrapped, you can heat it up later in your microwave (right on the spin-around thing if you don’t have an actual plate in your room). Your meal money per diem instantly becomes booze or weed money per diem.
You’re welcome!!!
10. Saw The Seat Next to the King on Sunday. There is more body fat on my neck than on that entire fucking cast.
11. Top 5 Hindu Country Music Acts
5- Tantra Tucker
4- Diwali Parton
3- Ala-Rama
2- Bindi Travis
1- Keith Turban
12. Classic me.
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Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
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Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
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