Silver Medals, Removing Tattoos, and Septuagenarian Rocky Fighter Names
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. Trump proposes twenty percent of the teaching force be composed of men and women who receive proper military training—the type of training where you are taught to shoot and kill the enemy on sight—to stop any potential mass shooters by shooting them dead.
America has literally become its own enemy.
2. Cousin Post of the Week
3. If Jocelyn Larocque wanted to wear a gold medal instead of a silver one, she probably should have won that fucking game.
4. Kate always thinks she is right. But I may have to give her this one.
Me- I finally took those fake tattoos off.
Kate- With what?
Me- Steel wool.
Kate- What!!?? You could have maybe started with rubbing alcohol or something. A step down?
Me- Yeah, maybe.
5. When I turned fifty last week, I decided that I am saving swimming for my sixties, golf for my seventies, and Stratford for my eighties.
6. Top 5 Septuagenarian Rocky Fighter Names
5- Tommy Gums
4- Ivan Sago
3- Apollo Peed
2- Blubber Lang
1- Coughy Balboa
7. This made me laugh for a full minute.
8. An interesting phenomenon took place after Disney’s Zombies aired last week. I got over a thousand new Instagram followers over the next couple days but every single one of them is about eight to twelve years old.
Don’t these kids have any parents?!?!!??!!??
9.
10. I just signed on to play the local butcher in a new Italian-Canadian musical/horror film series tentatively titled The Sang Witches of Woodbridge.
11. Actor Eddie G has the distinction of being the first actor to do a session with Pierre Gautreau in front of the new post-apocalyptic wall that Pierre asked me to paint for him.
Right? I know!!!! Is there anything I can’t do???
12. “No, I didn’t say BILL Gates. I said KILL Gates!!! Take me off the speakerphone for five minutes and pay attention, you fucking child!!!”
Putin to Trump.
FBI Oval Office wiretap.
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
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Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
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