Oatmeal, Voter Fraud, and Lesser-Known Rhapsodies
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. November 14, 2018
2. Classic Ella (who turned 14 yesterday). SHE WAS FUCKING 4!!!
3. The Quintessential Top Ten Movie Poster List
- Movie from my Childhood to make me seem human (Herbie the Lovebug?)
- Something with a racial theme to make me seem woke
- Nothing by Woody Allen
- Something Canadian (duh) or in another language (they both count as foreign at the Oscars)
- An Arthouse Comedy I didn’t actually laugh at, but smiled really hard for
- Citizen Kane, even though I hate it because nobody will challenge it
- A Musical—but not Purple Rain or 8 Mile because there aren’t any dance sequences in them
- Breaking the Waves or Dancer in the Dark although I’d rather get a root canal without anesthetic than see either one again
- Nothing featuring Louis CK
- Shawshank Redemption
4. Tell me again how it’s a scary time for men and I’ll knock your teeth out.
5. My feelings about oatmeal are pretty simple. If I am not camping or in prison, I’m not fucking eating it.
6. Guest comment of the week
7. Top 5 OTHER Rhapsodies
5. Woehemian Rhapsody- a group Stratford actors eloquently bitching together
4. Phohemian Rhapsody- the best name for a new restaurant EVER, somebody better open that shit quick
3. Blowhemian Rhapsody- the title of my memoir
2. Slowhemian Rhapsody- any gathering of Trump/Ford/Alt-Right supporters
1. Brohemiem Rhapsody- a group of Italian males yelling to each other on the Danforth
8. I loved Winnie Jong’s response to whether or not she was going to star in her own web series, Token, which I will play a small role in.
9. Canada- you are behind by a century.
10. A follow up on the lucky audition moustache story from a few weeks back—the lucky stache went two for two. I’m going to both St. John’s, NL and Budapest.
11. Guest post of the week
12. I don’t think this is absurd at all. The year that I was nominated for the Dora Award for Best Actor, EVERY TIME I bumped into a Dora jury member, they were wearing a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT OUTFIT. And did I win?! No, I did not. Is that a coincidence???
I have to say I am totally with The Donald on this one.
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
LEARN MORE
Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
Comments