Twerking, Facial Hair, and French Kissing
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. I’ve never been a huge fan of my own unshaven face. Facial hair is the most natural thing to hide behind but for work purposes, it’s not an option. I had to shave the other day and sure enough, the woman who served me at the first coffee shop I walked into said, “You look like Waldo—it’s the glasses.”
If anyone ever tells you that you look like Waldo and you aren’t wearing a red and white horizontal striped shirt, it isn’t because of your glasses—it’s because you just look like fucking Waldo!
2. Book of the Week
I haven’t read this yet, so I can’t recommend it firsthand except to say that I knew Jon a long while back. He was a hell of a writer then, so I can only imagine how good he is now. If you’re looking for some fresh material and don’t find something worthwhile here, you can punch me in the stomach. (ONE TIME ONLY!)
3. Guest Post of the Week
4. Kreskin’s Korner – Non Prediction of the Week
5. If your directing resume is lengthier and more accomplished than your screenwriting resume, you’re probably better at directing than you are at screenwriting.
If your house painting resume is lengthier and more accomplished than your musical theatre resume, you’re probably better at house painting than you are at singing.
If your Famous People You’ve Slept With resume is lengthier and more accomplished than your acting resume…
6. Prop News of the Week
7. Man, that Doug Ford really sucks the SOUL right out of ASSHOLE, doesn’t he?
8. Classic Me
9. I sent a note to my old friends Leo Miciola and Graeme MacNeily saying we should all get together soon before one of us dies. Leo responded, “I’m not dying anytime soon. God wants me to suffer some more first.”
Because I could completely relate to the sentiment, I found it ridiculously comforting.
10. If, after thirty years of running a successful business, plumbers and electricians were still expected to audition for the same type of jobs they’ve have already done hundreds of times, nobody’s lights, drains or toilets would work very well at all.
11. I’m still ninety percent sure that Roch Voisine was ghost-sung by Anne Murray.
12. Risk of the Week
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
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Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
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