Shrimp Rings, Jesus, and That Cats Movie
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. Last weekend I pulled one of those Bill Murray random celebrity pop-ups at a party where I didn’t know anyone. Nobody seemed to know who I was, either, so I ate half a shrimp ring and left.
2. I really enjoyed the summer break from writing the column. My daughter was away and I worked on some great projects as an actor and had time to refocus on my recovery and get back in touch with my inner child.
Unfortunately, my inner child shit himself three times and kept me awake crying most nights, so I had to drown the little fucker in Lake Ontario.
Still, it was nice to spend a little time together before that happened.
3. These things weren’t your fault, Rosanna, but that French accent in The Whole Nine Yards? STILL waiting on that apology.
4. I have a pretty firm belief that actors who see a lot of films and theatre (not the ones-they-feel-obliged-to-see-to-support-friends-and-whatnot) do so because they care first and foremost about the work and the craft of acting itself.
Actors who DO NOT see a lot of films and theatre do so because nobody is paying any attention to THEM while they are doing so.
5. Tweet of the Week
Now THAT is fucking funny. As opposed to, say, Home Alone 3 or Home Alone 4.
6.
Except at the end, right before you’re about to take your own life, maybe lose it then.
I don’t think Robin would be offended by the humour or the sentiment in that amendment.
7. Maybe it was just a bad trailer, because MEOW Magazine gave the Cats movie four M’s.
8. Fun Fact
In the first draft of the Bible, Jesus actually changed sparkling water into spritzers, but the editor thought that sounded too Jewish.
9. Reason 9,967 to Hate Cats…
…encouraging Dylan Roberts to grow that thing above his mouth.
10. Bad reviews — whatever form they take — don’t keep people away from the theatre: bad shows keep people away from the theatre.
11. Classic Me
12. Guest Post of the Week
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
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Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
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Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
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Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
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Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
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