Striptease for Trees, #Wexit, and Drugs That Don’t Belong To You
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. I heard that Walmart stores in Quebec have tripled their sales of white bedsheets by marketing them as Sexy Racist Halloween costumes.
2. The Leafs played so badly on Saturday night that they made Auston Matthews’ moustache look good.
3. The Hallmark channel is starting a “Countdown to Christmas” on November 1st. NOVEMBER FUCKING FIRST! That’s 55 straight days of Christmas movies that are all pretty much the exact same movie. I don’t think there has ever been a company so entirely committed to both saving and killing Christmas at the exact same time.
4. At least SOMEONE in a turban won something last week. So there’s still SOME hope for Canada.
5. If a tree fell on Martin Scorsese in the forest, Spider-man would still have to save him. Because THAT’S HIS FUCKING JOB.
6. Shout out of the Week:
To Emily Nixon and Sebastian Marziali for their “It’s Getting Hot in Here: Digital Striptease” page, where the two literally stripped down on Facebook to encourage voter turnout—specifically to help combat the Climate Crisis. I am planning a similar campaign this year, where I will put my clothes on if Doug Ford steps down.
7. Just So You Know:
8. On Set Etiquette #632:
If an A.D. who knows you fairly well ever takes you aside and (based solely on your past) asks you quietly if you dropped a bag of drugs on set, “No, but I’ll take it” is definitely not the right answer to give. Not ever.
9. Tweet of the Week:
10. One of the best things about sports over politics is that you either win or you lose. And when you win nobody can take your win away from you. Scheer’s concession speech made me imagine the GM of the Toronto Maple Leafs coming out after any given playoff loss to Boston and saying “Well, we lost by way less than we did last game so really—we won!!”
11. Guest Post of the Week:
12. Political Editorial of the Week:
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
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Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
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