Parenting, You People, and Chewbuttah
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. I know for a fact that “You people” is an insult because that’s what my mom calls my dad, my sister, and me.
2. Fuck Yeah of the Week:
3. Top 5 Names for STAR WHORES:
1. Hans Slowblow
2. Puke Streetwalker
3. Princess Lay Ya
4. Chewbuttah
5. HPV-30
Bonus: they travel by way of the Millennium Fuckin’.
4. Retweet of the Week:
5. When I was younger I was married to Marie Josee Lefebvre. I never forgot our anniversary because we were married on Labour Day. And I never forgot her birthday because she was born on Remembrance Day. If only I had had something to remind me not to forget to come home every night.
6. Guest Post of the Week:
7. Went to see Ghost Quartet last week and there was a group of kids sitting behind me. I turned around and asked them how old they were. One kid, who I later found out is named Hazen, answered “eleven” to which I responded, “ That’s awesome. You just don’t often see people your age at the theatre,” to which he replied, “That’s because people aren’t cultured these days. They’re all listening to rap music on their Soundclouds.”
I have never been more impressed by an eleven-year old’s social commentary in my entire life.
8. Parenting 101:
9. Manipulative Parenting 101 – (actual text to my daughter):
10. I find the key to extracting myself from a Facebook debate, which I love, is to always remember that nobody REALLY gives a fuck what I think. They only pay enough attention to what I am saying to be able to argue with it.
11. Look Beyond Your Privilege When You Support A Bigot’s Right to Free Speech:
12. Here’s a terrifying afterthought. If the PC party makes Don Cherry its leader, he would be our next Prime Minister.
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
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Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
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