Famous People Statues, Dr. Seuss, and Reading the Privacy Policy

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A graphic of Tony Nappo edited to appear as multiple people sitting in a circle as a spoof of Alcoholics Anonymous. At the top and bottom of the image is text that reads
Nappoholics Anonymous
/By / Jul 28, 2020
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Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.

1. Not to be outdone by Washington in terms of rebranding themselves with the most obvious and least creative name imaginable (The Washington Football Team), the Leafs are now considering changing their name to the Toronto We-Are-Probably-Never-Going-Win-The-Cup-Agains.

2. Proposal of the Week:

Facebook status by Ron Kennell. The status reads: Put statues of 'famous people' like Sir John A. Macdonald in museums and contextualize them. Tell the whole often ugly story of their oppressive regimes, that were sold to us as progress and the advancement of civilization. Put the statues art eye level so that they are no longer given the power of intimidation and so that the artist is honoured for their craft. Then, if you want to pay to see them, do so. If they speak to you as heroes, so be it. There are others who see them as symbols of oppression. Auschwitz must remain as a symbol of the holocaust. I agree, but there are no statues of Hitler in the public gardens of Jerusalem. Context. Say no to Baden's #PrimeMinisterPath.

3. I understand that there are a lot of proposals in terms of changing the names of Toronto streets happening these days but I don’t understand how changing the name of Ossington Avenue to Where Single Moms Gather to Drink Wine and Get Hit On By Twenty Year Olds Street can possibly be any less offensive than it was to begin with.

4. When asked to respond to the widespread shock regarding Health Canada encouraging people to cover their faces during sex to prevent the spread of COVID, Doug Ford replied, “I don’t see what the big deal is. Women have been asking me to do that for years.”

5. Book of the Week:

Facebook status by Lina Giornofelice. The status features a Dr. Seuss cover edited to read 'Things I Will Put Up Your Ass If You Don't Put On The Fucking Mask' with a fuzzy character pointing angrily to his foot.

6. I’m no political strategist but, when you’re the president of the United States selling bullshit conspiracy theories to the general public that involves protecting them from secret Democratic pedophile rings, isn’t it a bad move to admit that you’ve met several times with and wish good luck to a person that is known to have recruited children for sex trafficking purposes for decades?

7. Scary Shit of the Week:

Facebook status by Darren Lynn Bousman. The status reads: Privacy? What Privacy? Yesterday after my whole watch thing, I decided to spend some time (ended up being almost 10 hours) actually readings privacy policies on some of my favourites apps. HOLY SHIT. I mean, I know we accept but do we really read what we are agreeing to? Take for example Facebook. They have the ability to follow your search history after leaving, and store it. Other apps warn by agreeing you give them access to your photos. (NON PHOTO BASED APPS). Others download a copy of your address book. One I read, You grant them the ability to use your message history to better understand and refine your 'user experience'. When did we become so complacent and say 'meh, fuck our privacy.' I knew it was bad. Didn't know it was this bad. Some of the privacy policies read like science fiction, like 'Wait what? You can actually do that?' Forget watching a scary movie tonight. Just read the privacy policy on some of your favourite apps.

8. It’s no secret that Frank D’Angelo and I don’t like each other. Since we have been given the green light to go back to work a couple of weeks ago, he’s already written, directed, and starred in 17 films. I guess I should have stayed on his good side.

UPDATE: Make that 19. He shot and released another two films since I began writing this week’s column. The man is a machine. Truly.

9. Artist of the Week: (Please Spread this Particular Item Far and Wide)

Facebook status by Helen Donnelly. The status reads: Hey friends, most of you know that in spite of 4 months of low-dose chemo and 2 rounds of high dose chemo/stem cell transplants, my cancer is back in the form of plasmacytoma in my jaw. This week I'll undergo a full body PET scan to see if there are other similar tumours lurking anywhere. This is devastating news. I imagined at least a year would go by with no symptoms. But this is what is meant by me being a high risk Multiple Myeloma patient–I'm in the 4% of all Multiple Myeloma patients whose body tends to resist treatments...that is what we are seeing here. How do I cope? Well, I like to feel useful to society and my primary focus in terms of improving the world is tending to my non-profit, Red Nose Remedy. I'm therefore going to turn again to art-making as a way to fundraise. So if you want to help me help my clowns to make this sillier more compassionate world, I'm taking on commissions once again! Each piece is done in oil pastel, and if you are local I'll even mount it for you. If not I can easily mail it to you in a tube. $100 (this includes mounting but mailing is extra). 100% of the fee goes towards Red Nose Remedy's ongoing costs. I can do a reproduction of any of the following designs, or I can do something different. Email me your order at helen@rednoseremedy.ca. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to put my energy towards something positive at this challenging time in my life xx.

Helen with designs/paintings. The paintings are colourful images with many shapes, mostly squares and rectangles.

10. Fuck Off of the Week:

Facebook status by Raymond Miller. The status reads: Caramount Pictures there is no 'nice, caring way' to be a discriminatory anti-gay bigot. The image in the status is a screenshot of an email. The email is titled Wedding Videography send by Cara Hamstra. The email reads: Hi Kelly, Thank-you for contacting us here at Caramount Pictures. Congratulations on your engagement, you must be so excited :). I say this with much care, because I know that your union is incredibly important to you, but we do not film homosexual weddings. Wishing you both good helath and peace during these stressful covid times. Cara Hamstra, Caramount Pictures.

11. Fuck Yeah of the Week:

Facebook status by Jonathan Seinen. The status reads: My love of theatre started when I was about six years old. I was watching a community production of Peter Pan in Slave Lake, Alberta, in which my brother Jeremi played Captain Hook and my brother Nathan played John Darling. And I remember looking up at the stage and seeing my brother Jeremi AND the character Captain Hook in the same moment. Both of them. Simultaneously. Truth and fiction. Together. Obviously, now I'm more aware of the problematics of this villainous representation of disability, but at the time it was a sublime moment of enunciation in my young life. Right then, theatre revealed itself as a space where imagination becomes real and reality could be anything I imagined. As I grew up, the moment the lights would go down before a play, the moment in which anything is possible, became my favourite moment. Like most things in the theatre, the simplest thing being the most profound. As I started working in the theatre, I discovered that directing was the one thing in this life where I get to use all parts of me. For this shy queer kid from Dutch Protestant family in Northern Canada who once considered the ministry, it felt like home. And that hasn't really changed.

But a director is nothing without their collaborators. This is John Hirsch Prize also belongs to all the incredible artists I've been honoured to work with. This past decade has been a transformative one for me, and I am eternally grateful for the conversations I have been a part of, for the rehearsal rooms I have been in, for the opportunities to 'try again, fail again, fail better.' I am humbled by the talent and skll and vulnerability and courage of my friends and colleagues, and I am proud of the stories we have brought to the stage–often, those of people with very different experiences from me–together. I think especially of Saga Collectif's Black Boys (Ben-Eben Kwabena, Tawiah Mfoafo–M'Carthy, Stephen Jackman Torkoff, Thomas Olajide and Virgilia Ashton with producers Luke Reece, Indrit Kasapi, Sedina Fiati, Ravyn Ariah Wngz and dramaturg Mel Hague), Boys in Chairs Collective's Access Me (Andrew Gurza, Ken Harrower, Frank Hull, Debbie Patterson, Brian Postalian–coming next next season!), Jeff Ho for both his performance in Unknown Soldier and his adaptation Iphigenia and The Furies (On Taurian Land) with dramaturg Charlotte Corbeil Coleman, Assistant Director Jay Northcott, and featuring Virgilia Ashton, PJ Prudat, Thomas Olajide, and Augusto Bitter, Mx. Katie Sly's Charisma Furs with Kjell Cawsey, lemonTree creations' Still Life (Indrit Kasapi, Cole Alvis, Alisha Stranges, Andrew Aquino), and the Architect Theatre This Must Be the Place: The CN Tower Show team, including Georgina Beaty, Charlotte Corbeil Coleman (again), Greg Gale, Thomas Olajida (again!), Ingrid Hansen, my mentor Layne Coleman, and brilliant designers throughout like Thomas Ryder Payne, Rachel Forbes, Michelle Tracey, Christine Urquhart,

Jareth Li, Michelle Danger Ramsay, Stephen Surlin, Heidi Chan, Jennifer Lennon, Jung-Hye Kim, Laura Delchario, Johnny Salib, Kyle Duffield, Madison Cooke, stage managers Laura Baxter, Farnoosh Talebpour, Aidan Morishta-Miki, PM/TD Giuseppe Condello, Jayson McLean... etc ... etc ... amazing people, each one. In these times there is so much work to be done. I aspire to James Baldwin's charge that the artist must drive to the heart of every answer and expose the question that the answer hides. And I feel like I'm just getting started. Special thanks to my nominator, Debbie Patterson, and to Jeff Ho for his letter in support. I am deeply moved to receive this prize. End of status. Below is a link to the Canada Council's website page for the John Hirsch Prize.

12. Classic Me:

Facebook status by Tony Nappo. The status reads: Fame must be such a mind fuck. The masses don't give a shit about you, then they love you, then they stop giving a shit about you, then you die, and then they love you more than they did when they loved you when you actually were famous. I am glad I live in Canada where it won't ever be an issue.

EDIT: A previous version of the column included the old name of Washington’s football team which has been noted to be an offensive slur. We apologize for using it and re-enforcing the damage it causes. 

Tony Nappo
WRITTEN BY

Tony Nappo

Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.

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