Despair, Hopeful Ghosts, and Tony Turns 200
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. I recently watched a documentary about micro-dosing. It seems it has become a pretty huge thing. All I can tell you is it makes a big difference WHAT you are micro dosing. Years ago, I tried it with cocaine, and I was awake for 175 days straight.
2. Rascal of the Week:
3. I really enjoy asking all the folks bitching about vaccine distribution: how’s it going with that vaccine YOU created in under a year from scratch and distributed to billions of people?
4. A-Fucking-Men of the Week:
5. Mother of the Week:
I called my mom to remind her to watch the pilot episode of a new show I recur on.
Mom: (tired and grumpy) Hello?
Me: Hey Ma. It’s me.
Mom: (making an effort to be nice) Oh. Hey, Tone. What’s up?
Me: The new show I’m on is about to start.
Mom: (sounding deflated) Oh, yeah? Okay. We’ll watch it. What’s it called?
Me: Pretty Hard Cases. It’s on CBC.
Mom: (suddenly excited) OH. GREAT! We were just about to watch that, anyway!!!!
6. I honestly have not got a fucking clue how anyone thought Trickster was not going to be cancelled. So many of the folks who were screaming for the witch to be burned are now simultaneously complaining that they can’t keep her child to raise. That’s right. HER child. I keep hearing her referred to as the showrunner, but she actually created, wrote, and had a very big hand in who was cast in the show as well. People truly fucking baffle me. I honestly didn’t keep track of who was on either side of this issue, specifically. It’s not my issue to comment on and so avoided most of what was written on the topic. I do know that the public demand for her head was as big on my pages as the reaction to the cancelling of her show. If you were against her success based on something you believed she intentionally misled people about, how exactly is it that you are mourning the loss of the show and jobs and opportunities that SHE created as if she and what she believed and espoused to be true had nothing to do with the creation of them? Or more to the point: how do you not recognize that YOU were the one who got the show cancelled? You ARE the cancel culture. Not any outside faction. Not the CBC. If anything, the CBC did the right thing by not adding a “Fuck You” to the woman who created a successful show and was chased away from it by pitchfork wielding villagers. Why would that mob even WANT the show to continue? I mean, pick a fucking side, folks. I don’t care which side but pick one.
And, for the record, this isn’t me commenting out of turn on an Indigenous issue. This is me commenting very simply on logical consequences and hypocrisy.
7. Most Logical Conclusion of the Week:
8. I remember reading in a book once that one of the elements of Francis Ford Coppola’s vision that made The Godfather such a standout film in its time was that he had thought of casting actual Italians to play members of the Italian Mafia. He thought that might bring a degree of authenticity to the mob film genre that hadn’t been seen before. Prior to that, mob films had primarily cast Jewish actors as the leads. From Edgar G. Robinson to Paul Muni to Eli Wallach to Vic Morrow, and so on.
I bring this backstory up because—while it wouldn’t really have mattered whether it had happened before or after The Godfather had been made—but it just so happens that quite a long time after—almost fifty years afterwards, half a century afterwards, at a point in time, in fact, when thousands of Italian actors were likely available—for some reason Adrien Brody (who has proven himself a wonderful actor many other times) was cast to play a specifically Italian major character for an entire season on Peaky Blinders. And he was SO unbelievably fucking bad in that role.
It honestly made me wonder why, if they had wanted such terrible Italian acting, they hadn’t just cast Ralph Macchio or Nicolas Cage.
9. Memory of the Week:
10. Tribute of the Week:
11. I turned 53 years old yesterday (as always, apologies to anyone who lost money betting against that) and when I look back on the things that I have and all I have accomplished in my life, I am pretty sure I have checked the Top Five Benchmarks off of the list that an actor of my age is supposed to have touched on in a career.
1.Failed marriage.
2. Been to rehab more than once.
3. Have a child with a woman that I was never married to or even officially lived with.
4. On any given night that I sit down to watch tv, the odds are favourable that I’ll see someone on screen, at some point, that I’ve slept with.
5. Did an episode of Murdoch Mysteries
12. Share of the Week:
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
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Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
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