Some Are Getting Vaxxed, No One’s Getting Fucked, and Tony’s Getting Banned from Facebook (again)
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. My friend Trish told me that she was on Dundas Street when a van drove by and a guy with a megaphone told her that Jesus didn’t want us to take the vaccine. I told her that maybe the guy who chose to die by way of crucifixion to save mankind from its sins isn’t the one I want to take my self-care advice from.
2. Fuck Yeah of the Week:
3. Audition of the Week:
4. An atypically cute Nappoholics story:
I did a monologue as part of a Good Friday service for The Meeting House in Oakville where my friend Kate Brown is a pastor. I played the Centurion who oversaw the crucifixion of Christ. After the service she asked a 7-year-old what their favorite part of the service was. The kid said, “The man who told the story of the crucifixion. How did you find him?” When I first heard the story, I thought, “that kid really knows some good acting when they see it.” But in reality, the child thought that I WAS THE ACTUAL CENTURION who oversaw the crucifixion and that Kate had somehow tracked me down.
Still a compliment of sorts, if you can ignore the fact that I plausibly look 2050 years old.
5. Share of the Week:
6. To all the folks rubbing it in my face that I had defended Ford IN THE BEGINNING OF THE PANDEMIC for doing a good job handling the pandemic (again, IN THE BEGINNING, which he briefly was): tell me again how good the Leafs have looked at the beginning of the last twenty five seasons or so!!!!
7. Artist of the Week…is Rachel King Parry.
I just find this image so elegant and visually arresting. I suppose some may also find humour in it, but I don’t particularly. I always enjoy animals depicted in art as having human traits and the idea that animals can be artists themselves in a medium that we might be able to understand is kind of a hopeful poignant thing, in my mind. It is an invitation to the viewer to reconsider any and all possibilities.
In Rachel’s words
8. Here is why you should be careful complaining about cancel culture (which in many cases is actually self-retraction culture) or saying things like “You can’t even say anything about anything anymore.”
It’s because it implies that you thought everything was just fine when you could say anything you wanted about anything you wanted, and it had no negative effect on the world. That has NEVER actually been the case. Those things may have been fine in your own circles but if you’ve been paying attention at all, you will know that they weren’t fine with everyone.
And “Well, that’s just the way things WERE” isn’t a strong case for the defence to either build or rest on. The way things WERE has formed the way things currently ARE. And things aren’t really all that fucking great these days, in case you haven’t noticed, and they haven’t been for a while now. Although some strides have been made, we still live in a racist, misogynistic, homophobic, and highly misinformed rape culture on a planet that we are destroying more rapidly with every passing year.
It can’t really hurt—even amidst the insipid protestations—to shine a light on and re-examine some of these “cancelled” programs or movies or books or songs or whatever the fuck because, at the very least, it is promoting discussion. If you find yourself clinging to these things that do legitimately offend people because you hold them dear, I can actually understand that. You may legitimately have a sincere sentimental connection to things you romantically associate with different parts of your life. That’s fair, I think. I also think it’s fair to ask you to take a good honest look at yourself and the part you are playing in society as it IS as opposed to what it WAS. Do you cling to old things and ways because you sincerely feel they were better, or did they just serve you better? Because they certainly didn’t serve everyone better.
As we continue to evolve as individual humans, and communities, and cultures, and as an entire planet that is technologically connected in a way that we never have been before, we have the opportunity to see a bigger picture and hear more voices than we ever have before. And we can maybe all work together in terms of listening to and giving enough of a shit to take care of each other. There are new shows and films and book and songs and whatever the fuck being made every day for us to celebrate, that can be enjoyed by everyone without making anyone feel less than or shit on. And if you want to fight those things, you are probably part of the problem. You can still, as an individual like, watch, read, listen to, or think whatever the fuck you want. Just remember next time you’re shooting your mouth off about something you probably don’t even know that much about—Dr Seuss, Pepé Le Pew, and Mr. Potato Head, for example—that they weren’t CANCELLED by anyone. Their creators or other invested parties rethought the impact that their creations may have had on our culture and decided that these creations no longer reflected the thoughts and values that they personally wanted to contribute to the world or that perhaps they didn’t realize they were putting out in the first place. They made those decisions. Not any cancel culture.
So rather than bitching about your rights being taken away when they haven’t been, maybe consider the thoughts and values that you personally want to contribute to this rapidly changing world. I personally don’t feel a need to defend showing a cartoon to children about a male skunk kissing and pawing a female cat without her consent and normalizing that behaviour in a world where pretty much every single woman I have ever known has been sexually harassed or assaulted. Maybe you do. And maybe you also might need to ask yourself why one of those things means so much more to you than the other.
9. How sad is it that we live in a time when justice is something we have to cheer for rather than just expect?
10. Theatre Day Post of the Week:
11. Guest Post of the Week:
12. I’m starting a new GoFundMe type app for all the folks who have been sexually deprived during this pandemic called GoFuckMe. I just need you to send me your address and all of the things you need done to you and how soon you need them done. Photos are optional but welcome.
You’re welcome.
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
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Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
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