Jordan Peterson, a New Joe Job, and the Ontario Election
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. Playing Catchphrase at the cottage-
Ella- What does Dad have five of?
Kate- Teeth.
(The answer is tattoos.)
2. FACT- Doug Ford’s supporters did not notice that he got his ass handed to him in the debates and that he has NO PLAN for Ontario AT ALL.
Remember this on June 7.
3. I feel the same way about Jordan Peterson as I felt about The Celestine Prophecy or A Million Little Pieces: just because some total bullshit—which people are desperate to believe—gets written down somewhere, doesn’t make any of it true.
4. Comment of the Week
5. My body is starting to get a bit old to be painting houses all the time, so I just took and successfully completed an online mohel course. I mention this in case any of my Jewish friends are shopping around. As a bonus, I am offering a two-for-one twins rate for the next three months.
6. It’s amazing how many “scale shows” fly American or British actors to Toronto and put them up in hotels and pay travel days and give them per diems—and I don’t even mean stars or names, just actors who aren’t “Canadian.” A friend told me a story about one actor here who was booked on a very high-profile Hollywood film. While their Canadian agent was negotiating with the Canadian casting director to try to get scale and a half, their American agent negotiated and got FIVE GRAND a day. It’s total bullshit but we have to accept it. Because it is what it is. I don’t fault the agents or casting people here at all. They’re in the same boat as us. They’d be making a lot more money elsewhere, too. I just resent the second-class way we are paid, generally, and expected to be happy with in our own country.
7. Book of the Week, courtesy of Michael Mahonen
8. Fuck the NFL. Stop watching them. I haven’t watched a game in a decade, Super Bowl included because, well, I just don’t care about football. But their decision to dictate which freedoms players may or may not exercise simply by kneeling during the anthem completely eliminates what the anthem and flag are meant to represent. And if you don’t support the players right to protest in this way, fuck you too.
9.
10. I’m not saying that Trump is still colluding with Russia, but he just passed a law making it illegal for anyone on American soil to body check Ovechkin.
11. Suck-Ups of the Week
12. FACT- George Lucas has written a new character named Doug Vader. At this time, he will only say that the character is, in fact, Darth’s brother, was inspired by “real events in a neighbouring country,” and that the character will be played by Damian Lewis.
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
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Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
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