A Star is Born, Little Italy, and Budapest, Missouri
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. Last week I flew to Budapest to film an episode of TV that is set in St. Louis. Yes! THAT St. Louis! The one in Missouri!! I don’t understand my job at all sometimes.
2. You know, because women never have sex with each other.
3. I finally saw A Star is Born. It was so barely even a movie that it made Showgirls seem like Cabaret.
4. I went into the TD branch where I usually deposit my agency cheques, and these three handsome perfect-haired motherfuckers stood there waiting to serve me. I said, “What is happening right now? I don’t come in here to be reminded of how old and bald I am. Try to, at least, look like you work in a bank. I feel like I just wandered onto the set of the fucking Dating Game.”
5. We were watching some sappy Christmas movie at my parent’s place-
Ella(my daughter) – These movies are all exactly the same. They meet at the beginning and hate each other and by the end they’re totally in love.
My mom- It was the complete opposite with us, Ella. When I met your grandfather, we fell madly in love at first sight. Now, we can barely stand each other.
6. Considering that it is now almost impossible for me to be shocked by anything this man does, I was still fairly surprised at the press release which announced the cast of Going Down the Road 3.
7. The Nappo Dictionary defines the period of time between seeing something that arouses you and the time when you pleasure yourself while thinking about that something as “masterwaiting.”
8. I wondered why so few Toronto Italian actors were protesting the number of non-Italian actors playing Italian characters in the movie Little Italy. But then I saw Little Italy.
9. When asked later why he didn’t say heterosexual priests needed to be celibate or leave the priesthood, the Pope answered, “I think Tomaso and Billy are the last two of those, and they’re ‘roommates’ so I’m not really worried about it.”
10. I asked an actor friend if they wanted to go for dim sum, but they said they couldn’t because they were on “The Actor’s Diet” for the day. I hadn’t heard that term before, so they explained to me that it meant not eating anything at all. So I asked if they wanted to go for dim none.
11. I’d really like to smack this guy around until his facial features made some kind of sense in relation to each other.
12. Guest Post of the Week
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
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Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
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