Dinner-Sized Salads, Murdoch Mysteries, and a Big Favour
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. I was gonna pitch a TV show about all the jobs I have booked this year, except there already is a show called One Day at a Time.
2. Tweet of the Week
3. I can eat meat all day and night. I can destroy any bowl of pasta you put in front of me. I can even swallow a side salad whole in the wink of a schoolboy’s eye. But you plop a full dinner-sized serving of salad in front of me and, inevitably, at some point, finishing the whole thing actually feels like a full time fucking job that I neither want nor am qualified for.
4. Triple Banger of the Week
5. Recently I was going to pick up a friend and she asked if I could do her “a big favour.” I SAID “sure” but THOUGHT “well, that depends on the favour.” The favour just turned out to be dropping off some stuff to another sick friend’s place. Piece of cake. What I realized, after it was all said and done, is that if you always lead with asking for a big favour, whoever you’re asking will probably just be relieved, and even grateful, to end up doing a small one for you.
6. Kris Truelsen and I were having lunch and discussing trying to get out to support as many friends as possible who are doing shows on stage and he said that if he ever starts a company of his own that he was gonna call it the Obligatory Theatre Company.
So someone should steal that name before he gets the chance.
7. Big Questions of the Week
8. I will have exclusively painted for only gay men all month, by the end of March. And I have to say, except for my exceptionally high leather thong dry cleaning bill, life has never been so good.
9. You know that feeling of anxiety you get when you have needed to have a bowel movement for a while and you are almost at a toilet? Your body starts to actually anticipate the act and start to prepare for it? But you have to actually make it to that toilet first?? That’s how I feel every time I read or hear the name Doug Ford- he is like a shit that I really can’t wait to take and be rid of.
10. Classic Me
11. I don’t want to jinx it, but there are whispers that they may name a dumpster after me in this very same alley.
12. AWWWWWWWWW of the Week
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
LEARN MORE
Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
Comments