John Cena, Climate Change, and A New Dating App
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. I just read that John Cena – the new host of Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? – has also signed on to host The Career Channel’s new show, Are You Smarter Than John Cena?
2. Warrior of the Week – Autumn Peltier
3. Tweet of the Week
4. Top 5 things John Legend Isn’t Very Good At
5. Singing poorly
4. Coming across as a jerk
3. Appearing to be anything but cute and cuddly
2. Selling very few albums
1. Acting
5. Political Update of the Week
6. Nappoholic of the Week
Met this delightful young woman, Rachel Moore at the Life in a Box show on Friday, which I really enjoyed. She told me that her boyfriend Andrew Cameron is a huge fan of the column. She may have even used the word obsessed and said that he wears his Nappoholics shirt all the time. So here’s to you, Andrew. If you’d been there I may have taken a selfie with you but you weren’t, motherfucker, so here is a picture of me kissing your girlfriend. Big Love.
7.
This piece is called Silence by actor Philip Mackenzie. Tell me you didn’t think this was a photograph, I dare you. I always marvel at painters who can do this. Of course, it’s the fact that it isn’t a photo that makes it especially magic. A painter can create a reality that isn’t there, and a world they see that nobody else ever has, and for just a moment show us what they see. I like the title because I associate silence with contemplation. Another thing I think this painting encourages. Just makes me think about the concept of an individual moment and how they all add up somehow to our lives, whether we stop and notice them or not. You can see more of Philip’s work at http://westmountgallery.com/
8. I just joined a new dating app for egomaniacs and narcissists. It’s for people who don’t actually want to date but really, really crave the attention of others. You can only swipe left. I highly recommend it for folks who don’t actually want to go to the dance but would certainly like to be asked.
www.youfuckinwish.com
9. I remember Carlin doing a piece years ago that I am paraphrasing here. For all of the non-Climate Change believers who think that it’s about saving trees or birds or whatnot and that Climate Change won’t affect them: IT’S ACTUALLY HUMANITY THAT WE ARE TRYING TO SAVE. The earth will live on for a very, very long time after we are dead and gone. In fact, that’s probably the best-case scenario for this planet. So, the next time you’re about to shit on “some tree hugging hippie leftie pinko” who is trying to effect change and make a difference, remember that you’re actually just shitting on your kid’s or grandkid’s desire to realistically remain alive.
10. 
About a week back I did a workshop for that ACTRA conference on self-tapes with Lewis Baumander. I was one of 4 guinea pig actors who did auditions in front of an auditorium full of spectators with Lewis directing us. This woman, Pam Hyatt, came up last of the four actors who were auditioning and was wearing a housecoat that kept coming open. She had brought props, which Lewis had said you usually shouldn’t do, but could. She moved the chair and rearranged the furniture and made Theresa Tova stand as her reader. It wasn’t a big production, but she made me laugh in the execution of it all. And then…she blew the fucking lid off the joint. So clear and so specific and simple and real. She told me in private how little work there was for someone her age and – again, as I have said before in this column – I thought how fucking shitty it is that ageism in the entertainment world is keeping us from seeing the gifts of this master craftsperson and God knows how many others. Total respect, Pam. It was truly inspiring to just be in the same room with you.
11. Question of the Week
Why do people who have the power to change things care more about saving turtles from straws than children from bullets?**
**It’s a trick question. They don’t really care about either. One just makes them a lot more money.
12. Not to beat a dead horse but it’s kind of remarkable to me how people defended or made a point of bringing up – during this whole Trudeau shit show last week – how society’s views on blackface have changed over time. Remarkable. When we say society in this context, we only really mean white society. Those are the only feelings and opinions being counted because we are and always have been the ones running the show. The assumption (and not the correct one) is that those thoughts and feelings represented ALL of society.
And, yeah, I don’t really give a fuck about your black neighbour or buddy at work who wasn’t offended. There’re always some people who don’t give a fuck about anything because it just makes life so much easier to get through. I’m one of them, to some degree. It’s a survival tactic. But there should be a wider sense of responsibility felt by whites in terms of empathy and consideration, rather than just amplifying the opinions of those that alleviate our guilt and allow us off the hook without having to honestly address it.
That’s all.
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
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Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
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