Zombies, Dental Plates, and the Number Twelve
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. In honor of Zombies 2, which dropped this past weekend, I give you the Top 5 Disney Porn Titles
1. Sex Toy Story
2. The Little Sperm Maid
3. Transasia!
4. A-Lad-In My Mouth
5. Jumbo
2. Classic Me:
3. Fuck Yeah of the Week:
4. Last Tuesday night I finally began having fun doing our show. Sometimes, in the beginning of a run, I have this ridiculous fear that at some point during the show I’ll forget the words I am supposed to say—that I’ll freeze up and the words will just stop coming out of my mouth. But that night I didn’t have that fear anymore. It was gone. Just like that. Of course, as I stepped onto the stage and addressed Gregory Prest’s character for the first time, I called him the wrong name. Then, in the second act, I actually said this line, “you are a defect of HUMAN evolution like a three-legged DOG…” BUT, at least I wasn’t afraid that I was GOING TO do those things. So I’m calling that a win.
5. Guest Post of the Week:
6. Years ago, Tina Gerussi told me that one of the reasons her dad, the great Bruno Gerussi, had to stop doing theatre was that his dental plate would keep popping out. During the Jesus… run I discovered that there is one line I yell quite strongly, and my own plate pops right off of my teeth.
I now know when it is coming, to prepare for it and adjust immediately when it happens. Just a tiny insight into one of the million other things that are part of an actor’s show beyond what you can actually see from the audience. And also, every day, I give Bruno a little wink and hope that he is somewhere around me making sure they don’t pop right out onto the ground.
Thanks for our exchange, Syreeta Neal, and for reminding me to share this story.
7. WTF is Wrong With People of the Week:
8.“Why men great ‘til they gotta be great?”
The answer to this question is so simple, really, that it’s almost embarrassing to have asked it. Those particular men (not all of them) just want to fuck you or have all of your attention to feed their own needs. They tell you whatever you want to hear, and you choose to believe them because your need and ego is bigger than your ability or desire to simply open your eyes and see the truth that is right in front of you. I know because it works the exact same way with women. Some women. Not all. Same as not all men. There are many, many great men and women out there who are great before, during, AND after the periods where they “gotta be” great.
Those men and women are just too fucking boring, consistent, and dependable to write any good songs about.
9. Help Someone in Need of the Week:
10. Letter of the Week:
11. Definition of an Artist of the Week:
12. I was recently asked why there are only eleven people, instead of twelve, in the Nappoholics Anonymous photo. I’m not sure, because I had nothing to do with the design or execution of it. I mean, there could be any number of people at any meeting but twelve is a key number in these types of step groups. I’m gonna go ahead and say that the twelfth person is meant to be you, the reader. I’m totally just taking a guess here, OR maybe no one at Intermission can count.
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
LEARN MORE
Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
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Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
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