Taking a Victory Lap, Taking Terrence McNally, and Taking the Cart Back
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. Andrew Scheer is considering kicking Doug Ford out of the Progressive Conservative Party altogether if he doesn’t stop helping people.
2. I googled “non-essential services,” and “making another shitty fucking Christmas movie” was the first thing that came up.
3. At another COVID-19 press conference, Justin Trudeau attempted, but didn’t quite succeed, to show everyone that he could be every bit the statesman with balls of steel that his father was, when a reporter asked him, “If we can find this much money during this crisis to help Canadians out, how long can you justify NOT making the long overdue reparations with this country’s Indigenous people?”
Trudeau responded by simply saying, “Just watch me.”
4. Imagine if Ins Choi had passed this place instead of Kim’s Convenience (or Bob’s Convenience, yes, I know the whole story).
It might have changed everything.
5. Line of the Week (tie):
“I’ve practically washed the colour off my hands” — Greg Joseph (he’s not white)
“Has anybody tried jumping on the curve?” — Pat Thornton
6. I know it’s hard to feel sorry for drug addicts sometimes, but my heart really goes out to all of the cocaine addicts who have no way of earning money these days to support their habit. I mean, a lot of those people were just living hand to nose as it was.
7. Guest Post of the Week:
8. Top 5 Self Isolating Rap Group Names:
5. 3 to 6 Feet Away Mafia
4. De La Sars
3. Trump-DMC
2. N.W.T.P. (N*gg*z Without Toilet Paper)
1. The Wuhan Clan
9. Memorial of the Week:
10. Things are getting so bad for Trump that even his supporters are starting to think “There has got to be a SMARTER lying, racist, homophobic, ecologically irresponsible, misogynist, Islamophobic, rapist, pedophile, grade school bully mentality piece of shit who can lead us through these troubled times.”
11. Advice of the Week:
12. Thought of the Week (from my The Cost of Living script):
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
LEARN MORE
Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
Comments