COVID Conspiracies, Karate Kid, and Nicolas Cage
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. Nicolas Cage is rumoured to be planning to play Joe Exotic in a Tiger King feature film because, apparently, he found one single spot in the coffin of his career that didn’t have a nail in it yet.
2. Meme of the Week:
3. Isolation Artist of the Month:
If you haven’t been following Lisa Norton, you’re missing out. After #larrylooks, I can’t think of anyone who has put more smiles on more faces than she has with her incredible videos and photos. The production value is fucking sick. I won’t post her Liza Minnelli photo—which is award-worthy, as was her legendary isolation party shots and vids. I will, however, post this Karate Kid recreation not only because I love it but because it features a dog wearing a button up shirt who seems completely cool with that.
4. One upside to the virus is that after two months of isolating I finally got my Mafia “Going to the Mattresses” Level 5 certification.
5. Fuck Yeah of the Pandemic (so far):
6. Parent of the Week:
7. Album of the Week:
Harrow Fair features Andrew Penner and Miranda Mulholland. He was the lead singer of the Sunparlour Players and one of the four members of Crows Theatre’s smash hit band/show Ghost Quartet last season. She is a Juno nominated fiddler and singer and owns her own record label, Roaring Girl Records. Together they fucking kill it on their new album Sins We Made. I’ve been listening to it almost nonstop for the past week. Soulful and poetic. Dirty and melodic. Just really, really good fucking music. I highly recommend it.
8. Guest Post of the Week:
9. Visual Artist of the Week:
…is Michelle Jamieson. She is a theatre prop maker by trade who lives in Stratford, Ontario. She decided to start doing Pay What You Can Portraits of people’s pets during the lockdown just to “keep her hands busy and to bring a piece of joy to people.” She says her job demands speed, accuracy, and problem solving constantly. The sudden change from stress and crazy to nothing necessitated that she find “a little mission for myself to put that energy into.” Michelle will do a portrait of your pet if you contact her through Facebook or Instagram. Her Instagram page is @mezcraft. She is currently in the middle of completing 12 commissions, but this is gonna be a long break from theatre and she is happy to take on more. There is something Warholian about the solid colour backdrop (they are all slightly different) with the isolated images being the focus, so that these beautiful animals can really pop out and show their personalities. Give her a shout if you’d like to get one of these for yourself. She gets your commission and you get an amazing portrait. Everybody wins!!!!
10. A friend on Facebook asked what the point of posting the video of the murder of Ahmaud Arbery was. She asked because it is a horrible thing to watch and can be upsetting or trauma inducing to people. She further rhetorically asked if it was because people wouldn’t believe that two white men in Georgia could shoot a Black man down in cold blood for no reason. I have withheld her name because she was asking sincerely. She was trying to make sense of it. I don’t expect everyone to agree with me but here is the reason why I think it is important that it was and is, in fact, shared. I totally understand and respect anyone who feels differently. No judgement. We all process these horrible fucking injustices differently.
“A lot of assholes will look at it and still find a way to defend it. I myself always watch videos of this kind because I want to stay mad. I want to see it and never forget it. Doesn’t matter how ugly it is or hard to watch. I just feel like I owe it to the victim. All I had to do was watch it. He had to go through it.”
11. Introspective Truth of the Week:
12. COVID conspiracy theories are like anal sex at a dimly lit orgy. I know that someone is trying to fuck me, but I just can’t tell exactly who it is or why they’d feel the need to do that.
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
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Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
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