Italian Epics, Awkward Farts, and Apple Fritter Murder
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. I just thought of an amazing alternate name for all future Online Theatre Festivals. I would call them Watching TV.
2. Gaming Strategy of the Week:
3. Top 5 Italian Epic Films:
5. Lord of the Bada Bings
4. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Sangwitch, and the Wardrobe
3. Lawrence of Arabiata
2. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Goombahs
1. Parmesanageddon
4. Sign of the Week:
5. Farewell of the Week:
6. If I were a judge and had to try a case where someone murdered another person for eating their last apple fritter from The Big Apple, I already know, before hearing a single word of testimony or seeing a single shred of evidence, that I would find that person Not Guilty. This is the main reason that I never became a judge.
7. One of the main upsides of dating a guy who has no ability to smell anything means that, if you can control the volume, you won’t EVER have that first “awkward fart” moment.
8. Jobortunity of the Week:
9. Rant of the Week:
10. As I scroll through social media postings lately, I’m torn as whether to be more astounded at how many white people just didn’t know how systematically shitty and unfair life has been for people of colour, or how many white people still seem to not have a fucking clue just how shitty and unfair life can be for people of colour.
11. Guest Post of the Week:
12. Biblical First Drafts:
“When I was a child, I spoke as I child. I understood as a child, I thought as a child. But when I became a man, I put away childish things and began playing with my dick fairly regularly.”
1 Corinthians 13:11
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
LEARN MORE
Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
Comments