Venn Diagrams, Orwell, and a Garbage Bag Burial

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A graphic of Tony Nappo edited to appear as multiple people sitting in a circle as a spoof of Alcoholics Anonymous. At the top and bottom of the image is text that reads
Nappoholics Anonymous
/By / Jan 19, 2021
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Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.

1. On January 12, 2021 at 3pm EST, Ontario Premier Doug Ford declared a State of Emergency on my balls. This means that all of the people who have been ignoring them since the beginning of the pandemic took two minutes to study the new guidelines and will, most likely, continue to ignore them.

2. Hypocrites of the Week:

Image of a tweet by Mark Dicks that says And all of those at Capitol Hill today will be pissed this weekend when an NFLer kneels during the national anthem. Ironic.

3. If January 6th taught us anything, it’s that whatever doesn’t kill you is still feverishly planning to kill you, at some point, so either kill it first or figure out a way to stop it. Don’t fucking kid yourself.

4. Venn Diagram of the Week:

Two circles side by side. A blue circle with text saying People who call a Twitter Ban Orwellian and a yellow circle with text that says People who had read Orwell. Text above says: Sometimes things can be confusing. A good Venn Diagram is always helpful in that regard.

5. Instagram Handle of All Time:

Image of a Twitter username profile for Marcia Johnson. The username reads cleverusername119.

6. Perspective of the Week:

Text at the top reads 2 ways to look at life with two images below. The top image is of a sad blue cartoon person and it says Nobody gives a shit. The second image is of a happy yellow cartoon person and it says Nobody give a shit!

7. I spent so much time lying on my couch last year that it’s taking me to court for spousal support.

8. Nappo Virtual Christmas Highlight of 2020

So, I’m giving my mom a virtual tour of my new apartment on Messenger video. I show her my dad’s old bowling trophy on top of my fridge.

Mom: When are you going to come and take the boxes of hockey trophies under my bed?

Me: Never. Just throw them all in the fuckin’ garbage. I don’t want ‘em.

Mom: I’m not throwing anything in the fucking garbage. I’m saving them for you to come and get whenever you want them.

Me: I’m never coming to get them. They will stay under your bed until you die and then I’ll either bury them with you or throw them in the fuckin’ garbage.

My sister: She has saved so much junk from when we were kids it’s not even funny.

Mom: You better not bury me with your god damned trophies.

My sister: When she dies you better bring a lot of garbage bags over.

Mom: YOU BETTER NOT BURY ME IN A GOD DAMNED GARBAGE BAG!!!!

9. Super Tweet of the Week:

Image of a tweet from Hannah Moscovitch that reads I've been reading a lot of superhero content with my son over the holidays and noticing that if there's a woman in the comic her superpower is usually invisibility, which - really?

10. Tribute of the Week:

Image of a Facebook post by Sarah Dodd that reads: A long time ago I received a noe from someone who was using the same dressing room as me. We were in different shows and had separate mirrors. In the note, he complained that the amount of cards/photos I had up was distracting to his process of getting into character. I was mortified. As I was taking them all down, Pete Donaldson came in and asked what was going on, I told him. When I returned the next day, Pete had mounted a singing bass on motion sensor in the room. The song was "Don't worry, be happy". Miss you, Pete.

11. I often joke about addiction in this column, but it’s been a super hard year for addicts and the holiday season in particular is always a difficult one for us. Addiction is a topic that comes up often in social media, often following a tragic and seemingly preventable death, and it is often people who aren’t addicts doing most of the talking and judging and preaching and all I can do is shake my head because anyone who isn’t an addict cannot possibly ever understand what it is like to live with addiction. Not ever. Not if you know someone who is an addict. No matter how close you are to them. No matter how much you love them. No matter how much your life has been affected by their addiction. You just don’t know, and you can’t know. You may believe that you can know or that you do know but you’re fucking wrong.

But the fact of that alone—that non-addicts can’t ever understand—is not a necessary thought to share. The thought that, at some point, in any conversation about addiction, anyone who isn’t an addict simply has not got a fucking clue what they are talking about. But the thoughts that that thought brought me to might be worth sharing.

Like the thought that, at some point in any conversation about the Black experience, anyone who isn’t Black has not got a fucking clue what they are talking about. In the exact same way that, at some point in the conversation about the Indigenous experience, anyone who isn’t Indigenous has not got a fucking clue what they’re talking about. In the exact same way that, at some point in the conversation about the LGBTQ experience, anyone who isn’t a member of the LGBTQ community has not got a fucking clue what they are talking about. In the same way that, in any conversation about being a woman, anyone who isn’t a woman does not have a fucking clue what they are talking about. And so on and so forth.

I’ve got one specific goal among many for 2021. Learning to listen more and listening to learn more.

12. Guest Post of the Week:

Image 1 of a Facebook post from Michel Jr. Julien in reaction to the what happened on Capitol Hill about standing up to racism and not allowing it to spread or gain a platform.

Tony Nappo
WRITTEN BY

Tony Nappo

Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.

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