Mr. February, Grease, and Buying New Pants
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. Either it was really really fucking cold last week or someone surgically replaced my penis with a grape while I was asleep.
2. Drove by a street called Maple Bush and thought that would be the best Canadian porn star name ever.
3. Paul Braunstein shocked the Toronto theatre world this week when it was discovered that he is, in fact, the Mr. February model in the NRAs 2017 members-only calendar.
When reached for comment he said, simply, “Yeah, man. Those guys have, like, a tonne of dough and a lot of guns, so…”
4. Doctors announced this week that they have discovered a new treatment for Islamophobia. It’s called Getting Your Ignorant Ass Educated.
5. Donald Trump press conferences remind me a lot of the show House of Cards. I have not got a fucking clue why so many people watch either one of them.
6. Don’t miss the world premiere this fall of the newest series from Epitome Pictures: Grease: The Next Generation, starring Maria Vacratsis and me as Rizzo and Danny Zuko, who have returned to Rydell High as principal and gym teacher, respectively. The cast also includes Leah Pinsent as Sandy and Peter Keleghan as Kenickie.
7. I have been auditing Salvatore Antonio’s on-camera classes at Armstrong Studios because I may start teaching this year. If and when I do, one of the main things I’d like to instill in my students is how to know when they know what they’re doing.
So often, in my professional career, I have seen the student/teacher relationship transferred to the actor/director relationship. And so often I have watched both students and actors not have a fucking clue what they’re doing, but as long as they’re told that what they’re doing is fine, they seem happy. They want, of course, to be good, but they appear to have no internal gauge for how to recognize when that happens themselves.
I think the main obstacle is that they have a misplaced desire to do a scene “right” when, of course, there is no right. As Mamet says, there is only true and false. Any scene will be right as long as it is played truthfully. And you shouldn’t need to check with anyone but yourself to know whether or not you are bullshitting. I know to some degree this may come with experience and the confidence that experience begets, but for me it’s always a simple matter of asking myself two questions: Do I know what I am doing? Am I telling the truth?
But nobody taught me that. That was a thing I eventually arrived at. I hope that, if nothing else, I will be able to send younger actors off with the permission not to look outside of themselves for confirmation that they are doing exactly what they should be doing.
8. Playing Apples to Apples with Kate and Ella.
Ella (outraged)- What????? Doctors are way more important than Facebook!!!!!
Kate- Ella, when was the last time your father went to a doctor? And when was the last time your father checked Facebook?
Checkmate. My decision stood.
9. Trump could have had his pick of any of the Corleone boys and he goes and hires Fredo.
10. I’m at that awkward stage in life where I can buy pants that make my ass look amazing OR I can buy pants that I can tie my shoes in.
11. Amarjeet Sohi was laughed at for identifying himself as a former bus driver in the House of Commons last week. Ironically, it has since been discovered that he was really never a bus driver at all. He actually used to play for the Leafs but was too embarrassed to say so.
12. And they say there’s no money in poetry.
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
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Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
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