Facebook Reminders, Robins vs. Pigeons, and Tech Week
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. Yesterday was World Theatre Day. On a MONDAY. When most theatres are dark. How fucking poetic is that?
2. Thank God for Facebook some days.
3. I texted my pal Shawn Doyle the other day, telling him about how I said a wrong line during the dress rehearsal for Butcher (a line that would have meant we skipped about a page or so of important information) and then immediately—ON STAGE AND OUT LOUD—said to Andrew Musselman, “Fuck, that’s not the right line. Let’s go back.”
Shawn texted back, “Haha. TV actor, you.”
Whatever. The guy does a play once every ten years and he’s breaking balls.
4. Spring has finally arrived in Toronto!!!! I spotted this robin in the park on Saturday.
Yeah, I know. The pigeon disguise almost got me at first, too. But then it had like a super distinct Robin walk going on so… Yeah. Just take my word for it. It was a fucking Robin and it’s spring.
5. Finally caught a few episodes of Letterkenny. Brilliant. A super smart show that super dumb people can also enjoy. It’s like if Trailer Park Boys were written by Noel Coward.
6. Me to my daughter, Ella- I love you more than anything in the world. You know that, right?
Ella- Yeah. But remember when you used to always threaten to trade me for a pack of cigarettes?
Me- Sure. That’s true. But you have to keep in mind that Daddy also really really really loves cigarettes.
7.
8. Imagine meeting someone and getting to know them, and there is definitely something there. So you spend a few weeks building on that and things develop consistently and rapidly between you, each and every day. You see each other maybe five, six days a week, always meeting in the same place. And by week three or four, you feel you are there. You are ready to take the relationship to the next level, and so you book yourself a room in a nice hotel. You get into bed together and right at the precise moment when you are about to see whether the love you make will be as magic as you hope it might be, you are interrupted and asked to lie there for three to five days while people come in and decorate the room and adjust the lights and music levels around you. And when they are finished, you’re told to go ahead and pick up exactly where you left off. That interruption is kind of what tech week feels like from the point of view of most actors.
*NB: I have the utmost respect for designers and technicians and stage management and know full-well how crucial their work is in the creation of the highest levels of theatre.
9. This entry comes from five-year-old Ruby McGurrin. On a stroller ride with her dad, Terry, she saw this sign and said, “It looks like they’re playing soccer with a head.”
10. Because of the overwhelming critical and ratings success of the new Anne show, CBC has signed Hugh Dillon to reboot another darker version of a children’s classic. The Not So Friendly Giant is slated to air this fall. Negotiations are ongoing with Brendan Fletcher to provide the voice of Rusty the Rooster and Nick Campbell as Jerome the Giraffe.
11. Watching House of Cards season finale with Kate:
Me- How can you even watch this shitty show? It fuckin sucks.
Kate- Yeah, well, it sucks a lot less than a lot of other shitty shows.
Even when I’m pretty sure I’ve won an argument with this woman, it kind of feels like I lost it.
12. An actor walks into a bar.
He immediately yells, “Can we get some glow tape on this thing?!”
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
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Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
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