The Tony Awards, Dufferin Mall, and a Don Cherry Fringe Show
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. To the Batcoffin!
(Too soon?)
2. The first clue that your show is probably not going to win the Best Musical Tony Award is when this is the guy they get to introduce your song.
3. Biggest Lie of the Week:
“Honest, Mr. Spacey, Clinton and Carson impersonations never get old.”
4. Classic me.
5. Whenever I write Dufferin Mall without capitalizing it, autocorrect turns it into “suffering” mall. Autocorrect has never been more bang-the-fuck-on.
6. Stage Management Laugh of the Week:
7. Top 5 Star Wars/Raging Bull Mash-Up Lines
5- Do… or do not. There is no try. Do my fucking steak bring ovah!!!! Ovah, bring it!!!!
4- You throw a punch like you take it up the asteroid.
3- Don’t call me a mindless philosopher, you fat fuck!
2- You fuck my Wookiee?
1- Use the fuckin Force, ya mamaluke!
8. You know you’re the world’s biggest douchebag when…
9. I actually think actors find more comfort in each other’s bad news than their good, but I’ll write this anyway. After going zero for twenty or so in auditions, I just got six offers in a row. Sometimes it has nothing to do with whether your auditions were good enough or not—at a certain stage in your career, everyone’s auditions are probably good enough—you just have to be the right guy or gal for the part. The trick is to not let not booking fuck with your self-worth and your confidence or else you will carry that self-doubt and neediness into your next audition. Just know that you know what you are doing and keep doing it. Provided, of course, that you do know what you are doing. And, if you don’t, I’m sure someone will break that news to you at some point or other.
10.
11. I still go to do my taxes at the sketchiest little strip mall in a pretty rough part of Scarborough every year, partly because it’s a tradition I have with my old friend Alex and partly because there is a fifty-fifty chance I’ll get lucky and someone will shoot me dead on the way out and I won’t have to actually pay my taxes.
12. Michael Miranda and Richard Zeppieri, caught on a break from rehearsing their not-very-highly anticipated Fringe show, If Don Cherry’s Sperm Could Talk.
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Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
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Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
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Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
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At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
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If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
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If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
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In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
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