Netflix Messages, Dental Issues, and Bad Blood
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. 800 Million???!!! I’m just puttin it out there but I’m willing to change my OWN fucking name to Scotiabank for a small fraction of that.
2. Some wounds never heal.
3. If I HAD to be a tall handsome Jew, I’d be Ari Cohen. But Jeff Goldblum would be a very, very close runner up.
4. The message on my Netflix screen said, “Because you watched The Ridiculous 6, we no longer give a shit what you watch. You are completely on your own from now on, man.”
5. I can totally relate to this. I hate when way better actors expose how not as good as them I am.
6. I went to a Wet n Wild Water Kingdom for the first time recently and I couldn’t help but wonder—how high was the guy who first invented the water park for him to wonder what a piece of shit might feel like after it got flushed down the toilet?
7.
8. I just want to give a shout out to codeine, Tylenol Three, oxycodone, Apo-ibuprofen Percocet, and Bullet Bourbon for helping to get me through all my dental issues this past weekend. It seems I have either been in pain or really high for the last thirty years— TWO DAYS!!!! I meant TWO DAYS!!!!!!!!
9. I fucking love this. I mostly am it. You probably are too. Thanks for posting, Anthony Ulc.
Thanks for posting, Anthony Ulc.
10. The organizers were baffled as to why I showed up without a chicken or any sauce. I had clearly misinterpreted the sign, which read Jerk Off –Top Prize $500.00.
11. Why near ME?
12. In honour of Bad Blood, which premieres Thursday September 21 at 8 pm on City TV and which I will sneak into this column every week until then in ridiculously subtle ways:
Top 5 Mob Porn Titles
5- Woodfellas
4- Scarfacial
3- Carlito’s Three-Way
2- The Wadfather
1- Snatch
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Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
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Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
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