Equity Deputies, Whose Part Is It Anyway?, and Dog Stuff
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. I’m the Equity Deputy on Mustard. I have been the Equity Deputy on almost every show I have ever done. Most people don’t want the responsibility and I really don’t mind doing it. As an added bonus, if anyone has a problem with anything I ever do, they have to report it to ME. It’s the perfect system. I’m not sure why nobody else in Toronto theatre has ever thought of this before.
2. The one good thing that came out of the Aziz Ansari controversy is that I’m getting a lot less pushback whenever I tell people how fucking overrated I think Master of None is.
3.
4. The brilliant Ron Kennell will be stepping in for the wonderful Colin Mochrie as the Fool in Groundling’s production Lear on Tuesday January 23 and for the closing weekend, January 27 and January 28.
Whose Part Is It Anyway?
5. Classic Foxy
6. You know your nose is fucking huge when they powder it for other people’s close-ups.
7. “I have no idea why everyone keeps talking about Gary Oldman in that Churchill thing for the Oscar. This dog is fucking amazing.”
8. Dressing Room Quote of the Week
“It’s one thing to say ‘sorry I missed your show’ the first time. But if any of my friends try that line after this remount, they better never even try to fucking talk to me again.” –The Actress Who Plays Sadie in Mustard
9. Guest Post of the Week
10. My girlfriend, Kate, got a new dog. She came over with him and we took him for a walk, and then she left with him and went home and went to bed, and he crawled in and slept beside her.
Sometime in the middle of that night, I woke up and realized that THEY had just come over to take ME for a walk.
11. Travis Seetoo (who now holds the record for being featured in the most consecutive Nappoholic editions) is a theatre producer’s dream. He’s ethnic enough to get you some grant money but white enough that old white people don’t really notice his ethnicity.
12. Confessions of a Fifty-Year-Old Theatre Painter
I was painting the rehearsal hall at the Tarragon Theatre last week. Tough job. Lots of heavy stuff to move. Up and down the ladder all day. The back corner where a kitchenette used to be was a mess, but I dug in and did a pretty good job. By the end of it, I could barely open and close my hands, they were so sore. I went out for smoke breaks from time to time, shooting the shit with staff who all expressed how happy they were that it was being done.
When I was finished, a new, young female staff member who is quite attractive and maybe twenty-something years old said to me, “You’re my hero.” I took this as my opening and knew I would probably not get another opportunity like this to engage with her. I was a bit nervous, being old enough to be her father, but I knew that if we didn’t connect at this moment I’d be kicking myself for days. I’d have to choose just the right words to respond.
So I said, “Thank you.”
And then, she said, “You’re welcome.”
And then we both went our separate ways and carried on with the rest of our lives.
The End
#makemoremundanetheatrestoriesplease!!!!
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
LEARN MORE
Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
Comments