March Break Mottos, Dr. Phil Moments, and Voting Habits
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. Ella and I have a motto for this week: Don’t March Break My Balls.
2. Kate, my thirty-nine-year-old girlfriend’s, idea of humour.
“Look. They made a show about us!”
3. Celebrated International Women’s Day this year by just shutting the fuck up and listening.
4. Dr. Phil Moment of the Week
5. I had this really funny Arab Uber driver the other night. The dude was fuckin Halalrious.
6.
7. I’m so old I remember when people voted for who they liked more—not who they hated less.
8. When that guy from Cardinal accepted his Canadian Screen Award for best actor, I wondered why he didn’t whisper his acceptance speech. Ya gotta go with the horse that got you there, I say.
9. Globe reviewer Kelly Nestruck keeping his wife, Charlotte Corbeil-Coleman, safe on holiday by blinding all area sharks with the whitest legs on the planet!!!
10. Somebody in my neighbourhood has named their wifi Pretty Fly for a Wifi. And I shall be immeasurably jealous of that for the rest of my life.
11. Saw this on the Yonge streetcar. Am I being an ultra sensitive liberal snowflake or is this clearly two BLACK males being represented in cellphone form? It seems,
if so, that this didn’t need to be so. It’s a MALE message that would have been way less easy to dismiss had it just been two generic male cellphones. It also seems to me that two white frat brothers or two white Bay Street boys would represent the stories I have heard and read on the topic more accurately and appropriately.
12. The City of Toronto turned 184 years old last week. And coincidentally, according to City Hall, the oldest road construction project in Toronto turned “none of your fucking business.”
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
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Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
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