Squid Game, Pre-Madonnas, and CBC Porn
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. I got my hands on the first few episodes of the Sex and the City reboot, and was quite enjoying it before I realized I had opened the wrong file and was actually watching Golden Girls reruns.
2. Fuck Yeah of the Week
3. I’ve always been a Lennon man, but after watching the Beatles’ Get Back documentary, if I had to choose between Lennon and McCartney, I couldn’t. It would be like choosing one of my balls. They just work better as a team.
4. Fuck Yeah of the Week #2
5. My daughter asked me what “Prima Donna” meant the other day. After I told her, she pointed out that it sounds a lot like Pre-Madonna, which is what she thought she was hearing for years. I had never heard it that way before, and thought that that was kind of brilliant. I also thought that Pre-Madonna would make an amazing title for something. But not something that I’m likely gonna write or make, so I’m just throwing it out into the ether.
6. CBC Porn Lineup
5. Ton of a Crotch
4. Jerking Moms
3. Rubbing the Burbs
2. Pretty Hard Facials
1. BALLTOYZ
7. Note of Advice to Francesco
Working with a young guy named Francesco Antonio who I’ve been mentoring for years without ever meeting him. After spending a week together on set, he sent me this advice that I had sent him in 2018 when he was about to work on a film, I presume. The motherfucker did wait until working together for a week to send it to me without any explanation, so he’s either saying I did well in terms of living up to my own words, or that I need to learn to take my own fucking advice. I’m gonna just assume it was the former until I hear different.
8. Was watching a couple of episodes of Squid Game with my daughter and had a thought that those rich white men who are the villains of the piece because they wanted to watch these poor people kill each other for money as a game are really anyone watching the show. I mean, we don’t share in the responsibility for the games happening, but we do share the same sickness for wanting to watch them. The rich white guys are just there to alleviate our guilt and give us someone to blame.
9. Repost of the Week
10. Tribute of the Week
11. Meme of the Week
12. Feel-Good Story of the Week
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
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Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
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